


Time to Talk

by LibraryMage



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Coming Out, Ezra Bridger Gets a Hug, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26309743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Ezra has a difficult conversation with Kanan.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Time to Talk

**Author's Note:**

> warning for internalized aphobia

Ezra didn’t think he’d ever felt fear like this before. Fear this intense, sure, but not this specific _type_. The closest thing he could remember to this feeling was a break-in he’d pulled off when he was nine. He’d slipped as he climbed out the window and had spent a long, terrifying moment dangling above a twenty-foot drop before he was able to pull himself back up.

As he forced himself to take another step down the _Ghost’s_ lowered ramp, Ezra was back there again. Hanging from a ledge, his feet kicking at empty air, not knowing if the fall would kill him or just break both his legs.

Except this time he was going to drop from the ledge on purpose.

 _Good thing you know about the Force now_ , he thought, a half-hearted attempt by some unhelpful part of his brain to quell the dread growing in the pit of his stomach.

“Hey, Kanan.” He tried to make himself sound casual as he stepped off the ramp, but he suddenly couldn’t remember how “casual” sounded.

“Hey, kid,” Kanan said, briefly clapping him on the shoulder. “Sun’s going down in an hour. Let’s get to work.”

Ezra stayed quiet as he followed Kanan to a spot a few yards away from the _Ghost_. As they walked, that nervous pressure in his stomach grew and grew until it pressed up against the base of his esophagus like bile.

Maybe he should wait. They were supposed to be training, after all, not talking about … about _this_. But the whole point was that it could affect his training, could maybe even end it altogether. He’d already waited over a week. If he waited any longer, Kanan might just get mad at him for wasting his time.

“Ezra,” Kanan said. Ezra jumped as the man’s hand gripped his shoulder firmly. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing’s wrong,” Ezra said, stepping back and breaking contact.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” Kanan said. Of course he’d seen right through Ezra’s lie. Not that Ezra had tried to make it that convincing. “You’re doing really well.”

“It’s not that,” Ezra muttered. He kept his eyes fixed on Kanan’s boots. He couldn’t bring himself to look any higher than that. “I just – can we talk?”

“Of course.”

There was a soft rustle as Kanan sat down in the grass. Ezra joined him, taking a slow breath in. For once, he wouldn’t mind meditating if it meant not needing to have this conversation.

“I talked to Sabine,” he said. He plucked a nearby piece of grass and twisted it between his fingers. It gave him something to do with his hands and something to look at other than Kanan. “She said – I mean, we were talking about –”

Kriff. Why hadn’t he planned out what he was going to say before it got to this point? He drew another long, slow breath in. Kanan said nothing, waiting for Ezra to continue.

“I – I don’t –”

Another long, deep breath. This shouldn’t be so hard. Sabine had said Kanan would understand. But what if she was wrong? She’d admitted herself that she didn’t know much about the Jedi, that most of what she’d learned growing up on Mandalore was wrong. Maybe Kanan wouldn’t care _personally_ , but Sabine didn’t know that this wouldn’t ruin his chances of being a Jedi.

“I don’t like … people.” He winced. That wasn’t the right way to say it. “I mean, I – I don’t like people the way that –”

He broke off again. _Did_ Kanan actually like Hera that way? He hadn’t realized until now that he really wasn’t sure. They didn’t seem to _talk_ to each other like a couple, outside of Hera calling Kanan “love.” And she called all of them that from time to time, except Chopper.

 _Get it together,_ Ezra scolded himself. _You already told Sabine. You can do this twice._

“I told Sabine something about me,” he said. He twisted the blade of grass between his fingers so hard that it tore. Still, he kept his eyes fixed on the broken pieces in his hands. Anything to avoid looking at Kanan. “She said there were words for it.”

He swallowed, a lump forming in his throat as he realized that he’d never actually said the words out loud. He almost wished Kanan would interrupt him, tell him he was taking too long and they didn’t have time for this. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“She said it – it sounds like I’m asexual and aromantic.”

Now that he’d actually said it, it was like a dam burst. The words came tumbling out almost faster than he could say them.

“I don’t get crushes on people,” he said, now shredding one of the pieces of the blade of grass. “And I don’t think about people … you know…”

 _Sexually._ He couldn’t even say it, and trying to just made him want to sink into the ground he sat on. Talking about this with Kanan was so much more embarrassing than talking to Sabine had been. And talking to Sabine hadn’t exactly been easy.

He began ripping the other half of the blade of grass into tiny pieces, letting them fall to the ground. Maybe he and Sabine had it all wrong. Maybe he didn’t think about people that way because he was just wasn’t mature enough to have those feelings yet. Maybe the way he grew up and stunted him somehow, kriffed him up so he was lagging behind what boys his age should feel.

“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

 _Now_ , Ezra looked up. Of all the things he’d imagined Kanan saying, that wasn’t one of them. Kanan’s eyes were on him, sympathy etched on his face.

“It’s not that,” Ezra said. “Sabine said you’d understand. I just – you said that to be a good Jedi, I had to connect to others. What if – what if I just can't?”

“You can,” Kanan said. “You’ve done it while we’re training, and you did it at the asteroid base.”

Kanan reached out, resting a hand on his shoulder. This time, Ezra didn’t pull away.

“Connection doesn’t have to mean love,” Kanan said. “And love doesn’t have to mean _that_ kind of love. Not feeling that way about anyone won't stop you from being a Jedi any more than it stops you from being a member of our crew.”

Ezra dropped his gaze back to the ground, hugging his arms around himself as he shrugged Kanan’s hand off his shoulder.

“There were a lot of other Jedi like you, Ezra,” Kanan said. “It didn’t make them weaker. It didn’t make them worse at being Jedi. It’s just who you are.”

Ezra blinked as his eyes started to sting. Kriff, he didn’t want to _cry_ , not about _this_. All Kanan had done was tell him exactly what he’d been hoping to hear.

“I’m glad you told me,” Kanan said. “And I want you to know that this doesn’t change a thing. Not about being a Jedi, and not about how much I care about you.”

Ezra hurriedly swiped the back of his hand across his eyes, hoping Kanan wouldn’t notice.

But he did notice. Ezra knew it the moment Kanan’s arm slid around his shoulders. In spite of tears welling up in his eyes, Ezra smiled as Kanan pulled him into a tight hug. He slid his arms around Kanan’s chest, hugging him back.

The tight pressure that had crushed around Ezra’s chest for a week finally began to ease. He’d said it. He’d told Kanan. And Sabine was right.

Everything was going to be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Can't believe I got to use the words "everything was going to be fine" in a fic and mean it with 100% sincerity. Every really is going to be fine for once because Ezra has a supportive family.
> 
> Anyway, I didn't even have a specific orientation headcanon for Ezra until spite for the lack of aro content in this fandom (and all fandoms tbh) kicked in so...here we are.


End file.
